Let Your "Ugly" Flag Fly
I was on a strategy call with a client last week, a veteran speaker, coach and consultant.
We were discussing how to implement a set of new keynote photos across several key touchpoints throughout her online presence. She’s a powerhouse, commanding rooms of 5 to 5,000 people. But as we looked at her event photos, she started boo-hooing shot after shot.
"John, I can't use ANY of these," she said.
Her mouth was wide open, brow was furrowed, arms flailing about, and her face was contorted in moments of pure intensity.
"I look too intense. I look 'ugly' compared to other speakers who always look so cute and composed in their photos. I need to look less crazy and more composed."
I stopped her right there.
"We aren't selling lipstick," I said. "And we aren't selling clothing. If this were a beauty shoot or a fashion shoot, the rules of engagement would be different. But you’re not looking to be a model or influencer. You’re a conduit of transformation. And right now, your vanity is handcuffing your ability to showcase what your authority looks like."
The Rules of Engagement
There is a fundamental misunderstanding in the expert world about what professional needs to look like.
Most experts, especially women, feel a massive amount of pressure to be both powerful and pretty. They feel they have to be a composed version of themselves at all times. They want to look cute while they’re delivering 6 and 7-figure breakthroughs for those they serve.
But here’s the reality: Show them what it looks like when you’re in the thick of it.
When you’re deep in the act of serving your people, navigating a crisis, challenging a worldview, or delivering the meat and potatoes of your methodology, you’re not smiling and power posing for the camera.
You forget a camera is even in the room and lose track of time. Your body is doing things you don’t even realize it’s doing: hands flying all over the place, pacing back and forth, brow is up, down and around.
You’re focused, raw, in flow, and working your ass off in that moment.
That "ugly" face is proof of someone who gives a shit about making a difference in their people’s lives. It’s actually quite beautiful, especially from the vantage point of those in the room feverishly scribbling all of the wisdom bombs you’re dropping on them at that moment.
The Congruence Trap
The danger of choosing cute over reality isn't just about vanity; it’s about trust.
If your online presence is filled with sanitized, carefully posed photos where you look like a storefront window mannequin, but you show up in real life as a badass warrior ready to confront the room’s challenges, you create a subconscious disconnect.
When a prospect meets you for the first time, whether it’s on a Zoom call or a stage, their brain is looking for congruence. If the person in the photos doesn't match the energy of the person in the room, you lose the trust of the room instantly.
And once you lose that subconscious trust, it is damn near impossible to get it back. They will tune you out because they no longer believe a word you say.
Your audience isn't looking for a composed version of you. They’re looking for the version of you that can solve their dumpster fire, real-world problems.
They want to see the conviction that drives your mission, not the airbrushed version.
Life is not airbrushed, so why should the solutions to the challenges your people face be presented in that light?
The AI Moat
In an era of AI slop presented as perfect, ugly is one of your most valuable assets.
Sure, AI can produce a perfect speaker in a perfect suit with a perfect smile in half-a-second. But AI cannot, and will not, generate the raw, contorted, sleeves rolled up, sweat-on-the-brow intensity of a human being caught in the act of creation.
Your “ugly” photos are the receipts that prove you care about the work you do, whether on a stage, screen, over the phone or in a boardroom.
They are the only ones that an algorithm cannot counterfeit. They prove you were actually there, doing the work, recently, and for people just like them.
The Choice
You have to decide what game you’re playing.
Are you playing the vanity game, where the goal is to look composed and cute? Or are you playing the authority game, where the goal is to be unmistakable and true to your word?
The next time you see a photo of yourself where you look intense, don't hit delete. Instead, celebrate it.
Let your “ugly” flag fly.
Because that demonstrative face and body isn't a problem. It’s the visual evidence of your genius in action. It’s the face your ideal clients are waiting to see before they give you their trust…and money.
Stop Hiding Your Conviction
If you’re tired of playing it safe and you’re ready to build a visual brand that captures your actual authority, intensity and all, let’s look at your library.
We’ll find the ugly evidence that will actually move your business forward.
Write the word "REAL" in the comments and let’s start the conversation.