The 3AM Moments That Changed Everything

I'm awake at 3 in the morning.

Again.

My heart's racing. My mind won't shut up. And I'm doing the math.

How many months of savings do I have left? How many months until I'm completely screwed?

This is 2014. I just quit my job as a television producer working on Maury.

If you're not familiar with that show, just type into Youtube "You are NOT the father…" and you'll get caught up on all of the insanity that I took part in for 9 years.

Nevertheless, I had this whole plan: I'd leave the show, build a headshot business here in New York City, work with people I actually respected, and finally feel like my life meant something.

Except there was one tiny problem. Nobody's calling.

I posted beautiful headshots online. Really good ones. I thought that alone would get me work. I figured the work spoke for itself, especially in the market that I lived in.

Guess what? It didn't. I had no clue what the hell I was doing. No concept of how to market myself. No idea how to position the value of the work. No plan whatsoever.

So, for months, the phone was dead silent. The inbox was empty. And this put me in a bad head space.

So there I was, regularly waking up at my regularly scheduled 3 AM freak out session, staring at the ceiling, shaking with anxiety, questioning everything. Questioning the decision to leave the show with no plan. Questioning whether I'm actually good at taking pictures. Questioning whether I just made the biggest mistake of my life.

But here's the thing about those 3 AM moments: they weren't just panic attacks. They were wake-up calls.

The Real Problem

Eventually, I came to a realization. I wasn't failing because my photos weren't valuable to the people in front of the camera. I was failing because I didn't understand how to actually build a business.

I thought photography was about the camera. About technical skills. About capturing pretty photos. That's it.

Clearly, I dropped the ball on that assumption.

What I didn't know was that photography—at least the kind that actually pays—is about relationships more so than the work itself. It's about understanding what people need before they even know they need it. It's about showing up consistently. It's about being the person someone thinks of first when they need help.

But I didn't know any of that yet. I mean, the idea of starting a business was never in the cards for me. I had planned on being a showrunner, probably producing a series of shitty reality shows by the time I was 40, and being happy with the consistent work.

But once my mom passed away, I realized that going down that track was not aligned with who I was as a person and how I wanted to create my art. So I course corrected the path by boldly jumping out the window and quitting the show without a plan in place.

This hasty decision ultimately led me down a path of desperation.

So I did what desperate people do. I started looking for answers.

I went online and searched for people who knew how to build businesses. I found the speaking industry—coaches, trainers, consultants, authors. People who had figured out how to build audiences and make real money doing meaningful work.

And I thought: These are my people. These are the people I want to work with.

So I made a decision.

The Turning Point

Instead of waiting for clients to come to me, I decided to go to them.

I reached out to speakers and experts online. I offered to photograph their events for free.

I realized something: if I could get in the room with these people, if I could deliver good work, if I could show them what I could do, maybe they'd hire me. Or maybe they'd know someone who would.

It wasn't a strategy. There were a lot of dead ends. A lot of people took advantage of my generosity. A lot of bullshit empty promises. (I'm sure that many of you have similar stories to this.)

But there were also moments that changed everything.

One of those moments happened at a networking event. A woman that I didn't know from a hole in the wall gave a 5-minute presentation on personal branding. I don't remember everything she said, but I remember thinking that I need to talk to this person.

So I did. After her presentation, I connected with her in the back of the room and told her that I'd like to share the photos I took of her presentation.

Once she saw the photos and thanked me for the gift, I offered to photograph her next event for free, and she said yes.

A few months later, she had a one-day conference. I showed up and photographed the whole thing. She loved the photos. And then, about 6 months after that, she connected with me out of the blue.

She was putting out a book. Her publisher wanted photos for the cover and social media. She wanted to know if I could help.

But she didn't simply want headshots or even portraits of her looking into the camera. She was looking for candid photos of her working and showcasing her process for those she served. We brainstormed for over an hour figuring out what that would look like.

At that point, I had no idea what branding photography was. But I did know that what she was describing to me sounded like video b-roll captured one frame at a time through photography.

Candid images captured wide, medium, and close. Subject positioned on the left and the right. Different emotions on their face and through their body language. Different activities shot in the act of doing those things.

Got it.

It was through this lens that my evolution of becoming a branding photographer was born.

During that session, something clicked. I wasn't just taking headshots anymore. I was creating a whole visual story of who she was and what she did.

And when I finished that day, I turned to her husband and said: "I think I can do this for other people. I think there's something here."

He said: "Yeah, I think you can."

And that was the beginning.

The Shift

Here's what I realized in those early days: I couldn't wait for clients to come to me. I had to go to them. But I couldn't just pitch them. I had to offer value first. I had to get in the room. I had to show them what I could do.

And I had to be willing to do that without a guarantee of payment.

That shift—from waiting to going, from pitching to serving, from hoping to acting—that's what changed everything.

The 3 AM Lesson

Here's what those 3 AM moments taught me:

The panic, fear, and uncertainty were all real.

But so was the opportunity.

Because when you're desperate enough to change, when you're scared enough to take action, when you're willing to show up and do the work even when nobody's watching or paying—that's when things begin to shift.

I didn't go from invisible to in demand overnight. It took years, countless failed attempts, and a lot of learning.

But it all started with those 3 AM moments. With the realization that I couldn't keep doing what I was doing. I had to pivot. I had to get in the room with the right people and prove my value through the work.

And here's the thing: if you're reading this and you're having your own 3 AM moments right now, I want you to know something.

You're not alone.

Every photographer I know who's built something real has had those moments. They continue to have them every time they hit an inflection point in their business when they want to grow and evolve.

That includes me.

But the difference between the ones who make it and the ones who don't isn't based on talent alone. It's not luck, either.

It's what they do with that fear and how they turn it into motivation to get out there and experiment, to take risks, and not be afraid to stumble and fail.

Your Turn

What's one thing you're going to do this week to get in front of the right people? Not to sell them. Not to pitch them. Just to show up and deliver value.

Maybe it's offering to photograph an event for free. Maybe it's reaching out to someone you admire and asking if you can help them with something. Maybe it's showing up to a networking event and actually talking to people instead of hiding in the corner.

Whatever it is, do it.

Because those 3 AM moments? They're not a sign that you're failing.

They're a sign that you're ready to change.

Try it. And tell me what happens in the comments below.

#DeliverMagic