This is 40
So, this is 40, huh?
Don't bother with the candles this year on the cake, :)
When I was a kid, 40 was a scary place only meant for old people to reach.
I had zero concept of what it would actually feel like, but, I knew it was a long time from now, so, I was safe and okay.
And now I’m finally here.
Today marks my 40th birthday, and I have to say, it’s not as bad as I thought it would be - I know, very motivating, positive and uplifting stance on it, right?
Well, you have to realize that for the vast majority of my 40 years, I saw and experienced the world in a very different way that I do now - ask my friends from high school, college, grad school and my television production colleagues, oh, they can tell you stories about me, :)
Long story short, I wasn’t focused, goal oriented or grounded in my purpose, so I went through life unsettled and unsure, and it manifested itself often in uncontrollable anger, harsh resentment, paralyzing fear and anxiety.
All this negative energy was compounded by a complete lack of self-awareness on my part.
But, everyone around me was completely aware, and they did their best to get me to acknowledge my challenges and get past them.
Years ago, there was a colleague of mine at Maury who, after years of watching me live out my days as a professional curmudgeon, would refer to me as Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.
If I was complaining about something to a co-worker, and she heard it, she’d walk by and shout, “Eeeeeeeyore…”
Same thing when I chatted with her in person. The moment that I fell down a negative, rabbit hole, and start complaining about something, she’d cut me off with an “Eeeeeeeeeeeyore…”, .
Rather than acknowledge why she was doing that in the first place, I would passionately defend my case why I didn’t think that statement I just made was not “Eeyore” worthy.
Ugh, I’m shaking my head as I relive this in my mind to talk about it here, but, yup, that was how I was, every single day.
Back then, that Eeyore thing totally drove me up a wall.
Not because she was rude, or malicious, or just wanted to watch me get pissed off, but, because she was right, and, deep down, I knew it she was right, and, I felt powerless to turn the tide of the emotions racing around inside me.
This was not how I wanted to show up in the world.
Fortunately, the past couple years has been an amazing transition for me, with having the privilege of being coached by some amazing folks who helped get me through the fog of my life, and out on the other end with such clarity and purpose.
I think back to those dark times and it really pains me that I allowed myself to drag ass with my emotions for years and not really do anything about it, but, I realize that without those times, without that contrast from where I was to where I wanted to be in many aspects of my life, who knows where I would be right now.
Rather than speculate, I’d rather celebrate being in a place in my life where I don’t feel that restless, negative energy that debilitated the shit out of me physically and emotionally and kept me stagnant.
I also want to celebrate the fact that I’m surrounded by a collection of people that support each other’s endeavors, and they inspire me to keep moving forward even when I hit a wall. They don’t judge when I exercise my right to be human and vent, and they are my biggest cheerleaders.
I’m very grateful for all the support I receive, and love to reciprocate, :)
My mindset shift from constantly playing the victim to how to live in the present moment has been a true blessing, and now, I am excited to challenge myself and reach new heights in all areas of my life.
There’s so much I want to achieve and experience in all areas of my life, including relationships, my business and my art - and I look forward to seeing all of it come to fruition.
Here’s to the next step...
This is 40.
PS - For those of you who aren’t in the know, I mail out these blogs 3x a week, and lemme tell you, they’re a real party, so, if you’d like to get in on this, sign up for it here and I’ll throw in a free gift for you, because I care, :)